Desiderata

In one of my more recent Bikram Yoga classes, we had a substitute instructor who decided that our savasna (the meditation portion at the end of yoga classes) would be best accompanied by her recitation of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata. I was irritated. Why would we want to listen to this woman monotonously drag on about yada-yada-live a happy life-yada yada when we are trying to find a state of complete detachment and relaxation? My frustration grew with each verse. Eventually I folded; opened by eyes and began shifting uneasily on my mat; this was my attempt at a quiet, yoga-friendly rebellion. After she guided us back to full consciousness (as though we could have strayed with her annoying recitation) I eagerly sat up, rolled up my mat, and left class.

I was having a particularly blasé afternoon at work a few days later. Instead of logging on to Care2 or one of my other go-to websites, I found myself Google-ing “Desiderata”. The very text that had driven me crazy had crept back into the foreground from my trusty old subconscious (odd how that happens, isn’t it?) Anyway, I read over it a couple of times, thought nothing of it and clicked out. The next day it was the same thing, but this time I printed it out. The day after that, I was hanging it up at my desk. What had happened?
I am not a religious person. I think the idea of organized religion seems a bit contradictory in and of itself. “Come! Build a relationship with god and together you will make it through your darkest hours. However, make sure you abide by this or that rule or else god isn’t going to help you, or like you, or want to be your friend, even on Facebook.” Okay so maybe I have made a bit of a mockery of it, which isn’t fair. I think it is wonderful to feel connected to the people, the vibes, etc, that surround you. It must provide such comfort to believe in your heart that you are being watched over and protected, and I commend anyone who has secured their belief and contentedly carries out their days as such; bravo. As far as I’m concerned however, who is watching over me? Me (well, maybe my mom too). This is where something like “Desiderata” becomes invaluable.
As a nonreligious person, I have sought out a scripture, a mantra, a SOMETHING, that I could try to live by; a text for religion-nouveau; a god-free bible so-to-speak. Here in Max Ehrmann’s poem, I may have found just that. It touches on all the headliners, the big hitters: good will to others, truth, respect, embracing what you have and what you envision, balancing caution with awareness of virtue, maintaining peace in your soul, striving for high ideals, just to name a few.
Desiderata is the plural form of desideratum, meaning something that is desired and necessary. Max Ehrmann determined that if we can delineate our lives within the structure of these twenty or so sentences, we will find serenity and joy. Nowhere does it say, look up and tell your problems to the sky, nowhere does it say, if you don’t do this you will never find peace. With a sentiment similar to a parent and child, he merely suggests that we do our very best (with a few helpful hints of what the best may be) to give us the best chance at happiness. A religion-nouveau? Maybe. Something I can appreciate it and take with me? Definitely. Give it a try; don’t just roll up your yoga mat and leave :)

Life's Little Instructions: Volume II

Yes I meant to write Volume II and no I did not post Volume I.  Volume II is framed in my kitchen and I love it so I thought I would share with you...enjoy!

• Believe in love at first sight
• Volunteer
• Overpay babysitters
• Discipline with a gentle hand
• Don't laugh at anyone's dreams
• Never drive while holding a cup of hot coffee between your knees
• Never be the first to break a family tradition
• Don't judge people by their relatives
• Talk slow, think quick
• Plant zucchini only if you have lots of friends (does anyone get this? Because I don't!)
• Don't overlook life's small joys while searching for the big ones
• Every so often, invite the person in line behind you to go ahead of you
• Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
• Steer clear of any place that has a "Ladies Welcome" sign in the window
• Always put something in the collection plate
• Do the right thing, regardless of what others think
• Never wash a car, mow a yard or select a Christmas tree after dark
• Don't confuse comfort with happiness
• Don't confuse wealth with success
• Be the first to forgive
• Check for toilet paper before sitting down
• Don't stop the parade to pick up a dime
• Be an original, if that means being a little eccentric, so be it
• Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values
• Never celebrate a birthday without a cake
• When you say "I love you", mean it
• When you say "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye
• Win without boasting
• Lose without excuses
• Read more books
• Watch less TV
• Every so often let your spirit of adventure triumph over good sense
• Lock your car
• Don't let weeds grow around your dreams
• Never sell your teddy bear, letter sweater or high school yearbooks at a garage sale
• Accept a breath mint if someone offers one
• Don't eat any meatloaf but your mom's
• Learn the rules, then break some
• Always try the house dressing
• Never swap your integrity for money, power or fame
• Never be ashamed of honest tears
• Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it
• When friends offer to help, let them
• Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
• Go home for the holidays
• Don't get too big for your britches

Sure, some of these are cliche, and some are better than others, but I hope anyone who reads this can find one that works for them.  My favorite? Always try the house dressing (whether its a metaphor or not!)

I Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier

Ok, so maybe the title of this post is a bit of a stretch but today I am thinking about souls and well, thats what I've got.  So, no, this post is not about war or soldiers or anything like that...well, who knows maybe it will be!
I was going through some pictures today from the past 5 years or so and was surprised at just how different my friends look.  Sure I look different too, but I was particularly struck by the fact that these people who I see every day changed right before my eyes, somehow unbeknownst to me.  My inital reaction was, wow, I'm old.  Okay, I'm barely 23, but these baby-faces of my friends are just not so baby-like anymore!  This moment of self-pity was cast aside when I realized how much more comfortable everyone seems in their own skin now.  So on the down side, we are no longer shiny-happy teenagers, and on the upside, we are no longer shiny-happy teenagers!  So I asked myself, what has really changed?  And thats how I got to thinking about souls.  
The general conception of the soul is that it transcends material existence, is outside our anatomical makeup and has the potential for eternal life.  It is the part of us that goes to heaven, or gets reincarnated; choose your afterlife...the soul goes there.  There is the concept of divine judgement that basically decides the fate of the soul, eternal life, or eternal death.  By I digress.
Assuming that our soul is born with us (or maybe its floating arbitrarily until we are born and can make it our own) it follows that this mystical body grows up with us.  This is where, for me, it starts to get a little tricky.  As babies, do we have a baby soul?  A tween; a teenager; a young adult soul? 
You always hear people say "people don't change", if in fact we have the one soul that never grows up, never changes, maybe this is where we can place the blame for our inability to make significant changes in our lifestyle, our psyche.  (The old, "I can't help it, it's just the way I am, defense). 
But this can't be it, because we do change.  We see the good in someone we never did before, we decide to seize a moment when normally we would have hesitated, we do something brave or something weak.  Our souls are outside of us, sure, but they must be learning from our experiences and growing with us.  So how many souls do we get?  Is there a difference?  Does it matter? 
I put down the pictures of my friends and opted to let this question go for now.  I started by saying everyone seems more comfortable in their own skin and that is a gift!  Whether it is because we exchanged our awkward teenage souls for the ones we're toting now or not, we are slowly, maybe, becoming soldiers for our own cause (and there is it, I made the title work afterall!)

Let Go...Jump In

Have you ever spent time with a person, or a group of people and found yourself pleasantly surprised to find a shared nature; maybe one of spontaneity, or light-heartedness.  Whatever the case may be, I had this moment myself recently.  A moment where I felt a sort of effortless joviality, one that was shared and unexpected.  Dwelling on the experience for longer than I should, I felt myself get swept up and realized that this unexpected glimpse of joie de vivre was about to be spoiled by my immediate and pseudo-unconscious yearning to recreate the moment before it had even ended.  Then I had a thought.  There is a line to be drawn when enjoying the company of others. That is, one must acknowledge and appreciate it but never over-analyze. These times, these brief sparkly moments of easy, happy, freedom are like a rainbow, a bolt of lightning, a long belly laugh. If we think about it, we kill it, or worse, we miss it altogether. It becomes most critical in life to know when to just enjoy the moment. Leave deep consideration and meditations at the door. Experience the fleeting emotion and then let it go; it is ours to keep only in our souls. There they are safe to lie ambiguously and stealthily connected on a string like fishing wire – just strong enough but not to the point of obstuction.

Que Sera Sera

I was reading a forward (you know, the kinds you usually highlight all and delete?) that was essentially preaching to the reader how to live a full and satisfying life.  The general mantra was to disregard that which doesnt matter because so few things really do and we focus far too much on that which is trivial and will pass.  It got me thinking about how small we are in the greater and greatest scheme of life.

Mulling this over, I realized I couldn't quite decide if I was comforted or disheartened to think of the sheer inconsequence of each of our troubles and the irrelevance of our daily worries.  It seems we should find great catharsis from this realization (of irrelevance) and that further, the more we can remind ourselves of it and all IT encapsulates and commands, the more we can maintain that inner peace, and keep our tumultuous crowd of concerns at bay.

At this point in my life (really, at ANY point of ANY life) it seems only natural that I worry where I will go next. The clarity of the photograph of my future fades in and out, stretching deeper into ambiguity when I give into the impositions of the very question, where, or what next? There is merit in “going with the flow” and similarly (or dissimilarly), there is merit in planning (to any degree). What then, is the best way? Of course it is simple. Make a plan and expect it to change. But if that is the decision we are going to pursue, what if we, or at least what if I cannot decide which plan to plan to stray from? And as these words are created, we go full circle into our original point. Whatever we do, in the end, it doesn’t matter.

There are an infinite number of paths for people as a whole to make. Far less are the handfuls of futures available to each of us based on our own contexts. It is foolish to think we have NO sense of where we will be. There are fewer options, we may assume, than appendages. We must find solace, comfort, and strength in the idea that wherever we are going to end up, we are already on our way. And, as difficult and even impossible as that may seems, we will make mistakes, or change our minds unapologetically and even nonsensically and then, we will redirect; chart a new territory.

Until we have our direction, whether we map it out, or it manifests itself for us, it is our quest now to ensure we develop the tools we will need to build out boat once we decide where we want to sail. Or even just to be able to build a boat to let us be floated, wherever it may be. As Jimi says, flotation is groovy, even a jellyfish can relate to that.  ;)

The Song that Inspired My Blog Name...

And the woman who inspires me!

Janis Joplin - Little Girl Blue

(don't waste your time with the recorded version...this live one blows it out of the water)

and while we are on the subject of Janis...I must include a couple of my favorites for your listening pleasure.

Janis Joplin - Maybe

(I don't care if you can sing or not, learn the words and sing it in private if you have to...you will feel so good, if you're anything like me!)

Janis Joplin - To Love Somebody

(Really...the same applies to this one)

Check out this groovy band...brought to you by someone more music savvy than me!

The Generationals

And these are my two favorites:

The Generationals - When They Fight
The Generationals - Nobody Could Change Your Mind

better learn a few lyrics the first time you listen because these songs stay in your head forever!

Free Will

Today I am thinking about the notion of free will; the idea that our actions are spurred by the work of our brain, our intention, and nothing else.  This is fair enough, but breaking down the very term "free will" seems to open up a contradiction in an of itself.  If an action is in fact, free, it is undetermined, unprompted, goes unpunished and unappreciated. If it is willed, it is determined, prompted and upon its manifestation, will serve as its own reward. And if we do have this “free will” at our disposal, what does that really mean? Does it function with destiny? If we are interconnected souls then are our personal or collective wills not predetermined by something like destiny? Fate? What about the (for lack of a better term) scientific end.  If we are evolved from cell formations (or whatever it is) and if it is will, what makes it ours? If we depend on this notion of science then surely it must be science that dictates our decisions; our free will. How does that fit in with something like crying?  Is that our own? Sometimes we cannot hold back tears, laughter; we make decisions we regret; what do these mean for free will? When the decision was made was it determined? Is the regret just another factor in the plan? Or is it random event one after the next. Science and emotion translating into a coexistent language, rolled together to create the illusion of free will?

Fighters...back to your corners?

The most experienced couples will tell you that putting on the boxing gloves and “duking it out” is not only inevitable, but is a benchmark of a healthy relationship.  This is the case not only for couples, but for friends, siblings, parents and children.  For the sake of this entry, or perhaps more appropriately labelled, this rant, we will focus on the fights between couples, or at least people who are in an intimate relationship (whatever that means).  There is no doubt of the benefits of sharing feelings with this person; your boyfriend, as opposed to expecting them to know the answers to everything (they’ll tell you so themselves). But, when it comes to wishing this thing and that thing were different about the person we love, how many wishes are too many? How many times should we ask, or feel like we have to ask, or even, feel like its okay to ask, for them to change? How many gripes are too many? At what point in a relationship does the sign reading “Caution: He is going to stay this way” pop up? There is always some big fight followed by some big talk, a few days of residual bliss and them somehow the old quality rears its ugly head again. When the apologies are increasingly being replaced by retaliation, resentment and fighting, when is it time to throw in the towel? If we feel we deserve more, don’t we?  

Cosmic Recycling

I was talking to a friend the other day about a problem I'd been having.  Of course I expected some advice, some guidance...but what I got was a story that nearly mirrored mine.  Normally this sort of thing would bother me.  I hate when people take your problem and turn it around so they can speak about themselves, but this time it got me thinking, if it is so easy to do that to someone else's  story; spin it around to make it yours, then what does that say about the human experience?  To me it seems to say that the human experience really does transcend cultural and physically boundaries.
There are those fundamental hopes, fears, highs and lows that none of us can avoid or recreate in a way that has not yes been felt. Betrayal, heartbreak, promotion, love. For better or worse, none of these emotional mountains and valleys that, like steroids to body builders, strengthen our characters in what can often be the most painful of methods – are avoidable. It seems to basic an answer to conclude that we are all so similar that our lives will follow the same course regardless of surrounding factors. If not that though, it must be something more deliberate, even if on a subconscious level. Maybe all of our experiences, including those that we think are fastidiously pinned to us alone, the ones that would be unrecognizable in the personhood of others are really coming to pass because we are sending messages from our own minds (having recorded our experiences already) to the minds of those that surround us. Maybe this mysterious transcendence of experience that shocks us time and time again is not mysterious at all. Could it be that we are all part of some cosmic recycling program, transferring our experiences and emotions through ourselves to the next person and the next, until none of us are harboring an original sentiment? It could be a relief to know that we are taking turns reenacting our version of the story that has reached our subconscious first, sure. It would mean that we are not taking nearly as many risks as we thought we might be and that the outcomes of our actions are not innumerable afterall. Yes, this could be a relief to quite a few people. To me however, reaching the conclusion that I was having someone else’s experience would be an astronomical discouragement. I am an American and therefore can’t help but being for individualism. Still, the bright side of this recycled experience would be that we are a united entity and could therefore move forward in creating a shared identity to compliment the individualistic one we have come to know as “I”. There is something to be said for a solid common ground that we could manipulate to fit into not only our fleeting personalities, as Fitzgerald would say, but to fit into our more solid and far less fleeting, personage. In a way, it’s a beautiful thing.

I Shall Stay Until the Wind Changes...

Windy today – made me think about the idea of the winds changing. In Mary Poppins, she tells the children “I’ll stay until the wind changes” and it is understood that the wind does move, but does it change? Is changing merely moving, or is it more significant than that? It seems too easy for a person who lives their day to day, “moving’ along, to say they have changed. Maybe in order to change, we need to overcome something; something to serve as an anchor around which we begin our revolutions of life. If our reply to an old friend who inquires, “what’s been up” is “nothing much” have we changed? Grown? Or have we just been a part a pawn in the game of time, like a rock that sits in the underbrush, changing so insignificantly that its noteworthiness is in question. We all want to know that we have been changing, growing, in other words, enacting the human condition. We want to know that in terms of intellect, things are happening all the time, but how can we know for sure? If there are no tests to be graded, how do we know we’ve learned?